Falling in Love and Having a Relationship are Two Different things

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Falling in love and having a relationship are two different things. (Photo credit: Gregory Jordan)

Falling in love! Falling in love is the easiest and most desirable aspect of building a connection with someone. A relationship, I dare say is the best and most difficult aspect of that connection. I like to think that “’love” and “relationships” only got complicated in the last 2-3 centuries thanks to the rise of civilization and modernization, which have had their positive and negative aspects on both. But that is a topic for another day.
My goal is to share my understanding of the difference between love and a relationship. Relationships and love are intertwined. However, it is possible to have one without the other. Love is dependent while relationships are independent. You cannot love someone without having a relationship with that person but you can have a relationship with someone without love. Think of it in any scenario; family, boyfriends, husbands, children, sisters, brother, BFFs, co-workers, boss etc. Relationships are extremely tough because they challenge every atom of humanity in us while love on the other hand is simpler as it does not challenge much of our humanity. Anyone familiar with social theories or philosophers such as Hobbes will know that our human nature can be and probably is; selfish, nasty and brutish. So imagine these humanities trying to co-exist.
Consider a relationship without love. Take work for example or distance relations or even casual friends. These are simple and uncomplicated. In partnerships however, relationships become a little more complex. Consider your husband, wife, boyfriend or girlfriend. In the latter, relationships require a lot more effort, commitment and time than love. This is because love is an affection while relationships are a lot more than that. Falling in love requires you as an individual to feel certain things. You know, butterflies and such, that warm fuzzy feeling that spreads from your heart to all over your body giving you a connection to the next person. Building a relationship requires a more physical and mental effort. Relationships are hard because they require us to be selfless, forgiving, caring and committed. The assumption is, if you are in love, it should not be hard to be selfless or caring or forgiving but unfortunately, love does not take away your humanity.
The relationship aspect of love has proven to be one of the toughest things on earth! Like I said you could be in love but that does not mean you will have a relationship. In today’s world, many women and men over 40’s are single or divorced or separated. This is not because they did not find love but often because they could not build a relationship. Unfortunately, there is no trick to building relationships. Anyone in a relationship will tell you it takes a lot of work, effort, compromise and so much more! My advice to everyone, men and women alike, it is important not to see this as a failure but rather as a trial and therefore keep working at it.
Now go get that love of yours, and build a lasting relationship!

3 thoughts on “Falling in Love and Having a Relationship are Two Different things”

  1. Anytime you talk to someone you feel connected to, love is involved. That feeling you get when you kiss someone for the first time, that’s not love… that’s chemistry. Real love comes from clarity, not from jumbled-up feelings. And a relationship takes work, simply because your dealing with two personalities. When you fall in love, really your falling in karma, that’s what makes it so damn challenging.

  2. Hi Christopher,
    Thanks for your comment. I appreciate and respect your opinion. From my experience, chemistry eventually leads to love hence my use of the word love in place of chemistry. Based on my experience chemistry has always led me to love. I believe those “jumbled up feelings” are things that make and create love. Love does not just happen from kissing but is a series of actions that take place creating love in our hearts. I agree that relationships are hard because of two personalities but even people with similar interests, same beliefs and similar personalities still find relationships challenging because of their humanity. I do not think that people with similar personalities have easier relationships. You can change your personality but not your humanity.
    Thanks Mimi

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