I'm Healthy Weight and Maybe a Little Hungry

It’s been several months since I last let my creative juices run. I’ve been working so hard day in day out, burning the midnight oil… well, that’s not entirely true. I’ve been at a loss for words. Not because there’s nothing to write about, on the contrary a lot has happened since I was an active blogger. Often times I struggle with words, not knowing how exactly to phrase things or how much to share. Is there such a thing as sharing too much? I’m so hungry I could eat a cow but my fingers are going crazy here. You should see me, I’m typing away furiously. You know those jobs where they want you to have a typing speed of 75WPM, I could probably get hired on the spot if they were watching me right about now. I think it’s some kind of withdrawal thing happening, what with not writing in months and all.
How does apple cider help people lose weight? Honestly I’ve heard this so many times but the same ladies who keep singing its praises aren’t using it. Why won’t they drink it and show me their before and after pictures? I mean it only makes sense that way, right? I need to have proof that it works before I try it myself. That being said, I am not on a weight losing mission because I don’t have the weight to lose. I feel like the more I try to clarify this the worse it sounds. I’m not in denial. I am trying to say my weight is just fine. I am as healthy as a horse. I don’t really get that euphemism. Why a horse? If it comes from the largeness of the animal then that is definitely not what I was going for. Maybe I should say snake. I am as healthy as a snake. Ok maybe they’re a little gross but think about it. They’re long and slender and flexible. That’s more like the picture I am trying to paint here. As in I am healthy weight, that might not be grammatically correct but I’m sure by now you’re beginning to get the idea. Although yesterday I did look at a pair of dumbbells at Shoppers Drug Mart. We all know that working out is a part of a healthy lifestyle. AmIright? It had nothing to do with losing weight, which I am not stressing over because I don’t need to.
Speaking of grammar, who makes the rules on what’s right and what’s not? I’m sure there’s actual history and a correct answer to this one. But where’s the fun in asking a question then giving an answer? After this post I will embark on a who-makes-grammar-rules discovery project. Knowledge is power they say. How about we go get ourselves some more power together? While you sip your morning coffee read on the history of grammar, by then I hope I too will have walked across the room to get myself a cup of “Can-Do” as Maxwell House so aptly puts it.
When I started this write up there was a point I was building up to. Aah yes, that as a writer there is no such thing as sharing too much. So far I’ve told you about my inability to bring myself to write over the past several months, I’ve talked of the absence of weight loss issues in my life even though I am intrigued by the apple cider fat shedding drink and then I mentioned the ruler of the grammar world at which point I found us a fun project to get started on. I really am starving.
I have been reading this awesome blog that my cousin influenced me to follow. He’s hilarious, not my cousin but the blogger. My cousin is also very funny, let’s make that clear in case he shows up around here. So this guy, Biko Zulu, a fellow Kenyan and an amazing writer says that to be a good writer you have to be sad. Apparently happy people are not good writers. True or false? I actually want to hear your opinion on this. There’s coffee brewing across the hall that smells divine. Seeing as my hunger pangs refuse to be ignored and my typing fit is subsiding, I’ll be going to get some breakfast.
One last thing, how do coffee drinkers keep their teeth nice and white? I really don’t think this article is painting a very accurate picture of me. I am not an overweight Kenyan girl with brown teeth but I suppose there’s no harm in your thinking that either. While we’re still on the topic of weight, which goes along with food (a lot of the times), I have decided that Liberté Yoghurt is actually a dessert. The best dessert I ever had. It’s better than cake, wait, better than chocolate cake. If you haven’t tried it yet I suggest you shut down your computer (or your smart phone) this very minute, go out to the store and buy it. For my Kenyan people and my friends abroad I’m not sure they ship dairy overseas. I already feel like that would be a terrible plan, to buy Liberté online and have it shipped to your home country. This dessert is a slice of heaven. Ok, maybe a cup of heaven. Don’t companies normally have a toll free number I could call to find out if they ship out? Maybe just samples to start with. I remember in Friends, Ross called a company to complain about the font size of a warning label of a product that I should not mention here out of respect for my family, more specifically my mom and her siblings.
Judging from this piece, it’s fair to say there’s no limit to how much one should share. Throw in a little depression (here I’m referencing the blog I mentioned earlier for those who missed it, not my own depression- which I also do not have) and some hunger issues and there you have yourself a legend. It’s been a pleasure pouring out my last seven months to you. I’m sure you’ve had as much fun as I have.
Enjoy your Liberté dessert and have yourselves a lovely day.

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