I have tossed and turned in my bed until eventually I am throwing in the towel. It’s obviously not going to happen so allow me to be a little constructive. Being awake in the wee hours of the morning, I find myself reflecting on a lot of things; what point I have reached in my ambitions, what goals I have accomplished, things that I may need to change or improve-life in general. Tonight, I find myself coming short. I am not where I had wanted to be today. I still have so much to do. I realize that my to-do-list is still considerably longer than my already-done-and-crossed off-list. There are so many things I would love to start doing and yet I seem to be caught in a rat. I am at a good place, just not as good as I would have preferred. To think about it is painful, admitting it ‘is an even harder pill to swallow’ as Mary of Hell’s kitchen put it two nights ago.
I definitely need to pull up my socks!
I know my greatest undoing is fear. I love challenges and trying out new things but I am terrified of loans and debts and being at another person’s mercy. I find it quite difficult to trust others or to rely on others lest they let me down. I know that needs to change and I keep trying but I find myself crawling back into that safe little box of mine. On Being Erica, a Canadian comedy-drama TV series starring Erin Karpluk, I remember Erica struggling with similar challenges. Going out there and taking risks was tough for her. But she did it! I know that it was only a show but they shared incredible teachings. The show was also loaded with numerous sayings and proverbs which were so frequently dished out by Dr. Tom (played by Michael Riley). Those, I believe, were great lessons for everyone alike. If you have not watched Being Erica just yet, I suggested that you do. You sure will enjoy a generous dose of good comedy and practical lessons in one sitting.
The reason I’m sharing this is not to rant or to seek pity, but to share my resolution and goals that I may have more than myself to make proud. My resolve is to fight that fear. To pursue the goals and objectives that I so desperately yearn to accomplish. I do not want to be just a dreamer, I intend to satisfy these dreams that are constantly in my mind’s eye. i plan on fulfilling my desires in life and inspiring others to do the same or even better.
I hope that you are giving your best in your field. You’ve got to believe that what you have to offer is the best they could hope for. So go on out there and give it your very best while I do the same here!
Are you at the place that you wanted to be at this point in your life?