I have come to the conclusion that relationships and sex in early 20s are a terrible idea. Someone once mentioned that having multiple sex partners over the years, is like gluing two pieces of paper together and then taking them apart.
Each piece of paper is left with tears and holes and little pieces from the other paper. This makes each of those papers thinner. If that piece is later taken and glued to another then separated again, it becomes even thinner.
The media leads us to believe that sex is this pastime activity that is light and fun. It almost seems as if it comes with no consequences other than the usual pregnancy and STI/Ds.
No one talks about the psychological and emotional baggage that comes with sexual intimacy. In fact, while researching for this article I could barely find any research carried out about the emotional impacts of sex and even less so among young adults. Yet, when talking to older people (29 and up), they look back at their early 20s and laugh at the amount of time they spent planning/ preparing for sexual encounters. A lot of time and energy also goes into arguing and fighting with their partners, daydreaming, or being confused about those sexual encounters.
Some argue that as humans we are sexual beings. Yes, we are. But, we should have impulse control. Sex is not going anywhere. This article is for those young people interested in developing themselves for long-term gratification. It is also for those interested in cutting out habits that are not doing them any favours. I get it, connecting on a deep sexual level is so beautiful and so intimate. And sex is fun and should be enjoyed. Yet, that same beautiful and fun act can be a destructive force.
I think men are pretty useless during your early and mid 20s.
That's MY verdict. Not to be interpreted as gospel truth for all.
— Kim Love (@kimmaytube) December 1, 2017
Here me out.
According to Psychology Today, there is an age when one is not emotionally, socially or intellectually ready to have sex. While in the article they discuss the impacts of sex on young children (8-9). Young adults in their early 20s are also not emotionally or intellectually ready to effectively manage sexual relationships.
Here is why:
Emotions are an All-Consuming Feeling.
Thought Catalog tells us that 20s are the most emotional time of our lives. According to the article the part of the brain that processes fear develops before the area that handles reasoning and executive control.This explains the intense emotions and insecurities experienced by young adults.
An argument in a relationship can through a young adult’s entire day into disarray. It is easy to blow away a day of work in your early 20s to go finish a fight you had with your girlfriend that morning. The problem is that those kind of fights are not a one-time incident. They are repetitive because at that age everything seems all-consuming.
There is a Cost Implication to Dating.
There is definitely a high cost that comes with sexual relationships. Some examples include the late nights that translate to sluggish unproductive days, the amount of money needed to pursue sex partners and the mindset to deal with the disagreements and arguments that arise from it.
In early 20s young adults do not have the financial flexibility or emotional intelligence to manage such demands. Rather than spending those valuable 20s working, building skills, networking, etc, one ends up burning hours thinking about their relationships.
The funniest bit about it all is a few years later those same people you struggled so much to chase, who wasted your meagre earnings, and your time, are no longer in your life.
It affects logic reasoning.
Being so deeply connected to another person as a result of sex makes it so much harder to evaluate them logically. In early 20s all your senses are heightened, the throw in the emotions that come with sex, and it becomes difficult to clearly criticize the health of your relationships. This is why a lot of people stay in unhealthy relationships too long. You excuse negative behaviours and see the person as so much better than they actually are.
You Become Attached.
Having sexual intercourse is not just skin deep. You become emotionally attached to your partner. This is why even years after the end of a relationship, coming into contact with the ex arouses deep emotions. In your 20s this attachment is deeper. Obviously, this becomes an uncomfortable issue, particularly when there have been several sex partners.
Your 20s are the most important time in your life. I am of the belief that particularly in your early 20s relationships and sex are of no use to you. They are a distraction. But if you absolutely must indulge (very bad idea), take all the precautions you can and be aware of your behaviour while in sex relationships. Being productive becomes challenging while your emotions are all over the place. The ability to better manage it comes with maturity.
Make wise decisions when it comes to sexual intimacy. Take all the time you need to assess your relationships. Get to know the person as much as you can. Gauge whether it is a necessary relationship in the first place. Sex comes with a lot more consequences than we care to discuss. In your 20s your primary goals should be to develop your career and your self-development. Relationships and sex are an unnecessary distraction.