Why Relationships and Sex are a Destruction in early 20s

I have come to the conclusion that relationships and sex in early 20s are a terrible idea. Someone once mentioned that having multiple sex partners over the years, is like gluing two pieces of paper together and then taking them apart.

Each piece of paper is left with tears and holes and little pieces from the other paper. This makes each of those papers thinner. If that piece is later taken and glued to another then separated again, it becomes even thinner.

The media leads us to believe that sex is this pastime activity that is light and fun. It almost seems as if it comes with no consequences other than the usual pregnancy and STI/Ds.

No one talks about the psychological and emotional baggage that comes with sexual intimacy. In fact, while researching for this article I could barely find any research carried out about the emotional impacts of sex and even less so among young adults. Yet, when talking to older people (29 and up), they look back at their early 20s and laugh at the amount of time they spent planning/ preparing for sexual encounters. A lot of time and energy also goes into arguing and fighting with their partners, daydreaming, or being confused about those sexual encounters.

Some argue that as humans we are sexual beings. Yes, we are. But, we should have impulse control. Sex is not going anywhere. This article is for those young people interested in developing themselves for long-term gratification. It is also for those interested in cutting out habits that are not doing them any favours. I get it, connecting on a deep sexual level is so beautiful and so intimate. And sex is fun and should be enjoyed. Yet, that same beautiful and fun act can be a destructive force.

Here me out.

According to Psychology Today, there is an age when one is not emotionally, socially or intellectually ready to have sex. While in the article they discuss the impacts of sex on young children (8-9). Young adults in their early 20s are also not emotionally or intellectually ready to effectively manage sexual relationships.

Here is why:

Emotions are an All-Consuming Feeling.

Thought Catalog tells us that 20s are the most emotional time of our lives. According to the article the part of the brain that processes fear develops before the area that handles reasoning and executive control.This explains the intense emotions and insecurities experienced by young adults.

An argument in a relationship can through a young adult’s entire day into disarray. It is easy to blow away a day of work in your early 20s to go finish a fight you had with your girlfriend that morning. The problem is that those kind of fights are not a one-time incident. They are repetitive because at that age everything seems all-consuming.

There is a Cost Implication to Dating.

There is definitely a high cost that comes with sexual relationships. Some examples include the late nights that translate to sluggish unproductive days, the amount of money needed to pursue sex partners and the mindset to deal with the disagreements and arguments that arise from it.

In early 20s young adults do not have the financial flexibility or emotional intelligence to manage such demands. Rather than spending those valuable 20s working, building skills, networking, etc, one ends up burning hours thinking about their relationships.

The funniest bit about it all is a few years later those same people you struggled so much to chase, who wasted your meagre earnings, and your time, are no longer in your life.

It affects logic reasoning.

Being so deeply connected to another person as a result of sex makes it so much harder to evaluate them logically. In early 20s all your senses are heightened, the throw in  the emotions that come with sex, and it becomes  difficult to clearly criticize the health of your relationships. This is why a lot of people stay in unhealthy relationships too long. You excuse negative behaviours and see the person as so much better than they actually are.

You Become Attached.

Having sexual intercourse is not just skin deep. You become emotionally attached to your partner. This is why even years after the end of a relationship, coming into contact with the ex arouses deep emotions. In your 20s this attachment is deeper. Obviously, this becomes an uncomfortable issue, particularly when there have been several sex partners.

To Recap:

Your 20s are the most important time in your life. I am of the belief that particularly in your early 20s relationships and sex are of no use to you. They are a distraction. But if you absolutely must indulge (very bad idea), take all the precautions you can and be aware of your behaviour while in sex relationships. Being productive becomes challenging while your emotions are all over the place. The ability to better manage it comes with maturity.

Make wise decisions when it comes to sexual intimacy. Take all the time you need to assess your relationships. Get to know the person as much as you can. Gauge whether it is a necessary relationship in the first place. Sex comes with a lot more consequences than we care to discuss. In your 20s your primary goals should be to develop your career and your self-development. Relationships and sex are an unnecessary distraction.

Author: Valerie

I am a storyteller, a writer. I post new articles every other Tuesday. Life is full of wonder. Life is beautiful. I love the uncertainty that comes with it. The ups and downs of living -its high points and low moments, the good times and the bad. I love it all. But what I love even more, is writing about it! I enjoy mentoring girls and young women. Nothing gives me more pleasure than seeing women rocking in whatever they pursue. My writing however, is in most cases unisex. There is a little something for everyone on all matters lifestyle. My most passionate topic areas include fulfilling my life goals (fighting procrastination), my relationship with money,  and self love (because no one else will know how you expect to be treated if you don't treat yourself right). And then there's travel, food, fashion and books. I have a Bachelor of Business Administration Degree (BBA). I also possess extensive experience  and education in communication studies. Welcome to my world. Comment, share and have some fun while you're at it. Are you looking for a creative writer? Or would you like to collaborate? Drop me an email at: memoirsofakenyan@hotmail.com

3 thoughts on “Why Relationships and Sex are a Destruction in early 20s”

  1. Sex in your 20’s does not have to be crippling; only if you allow it to be! You, and only you, are in control of the decisions you make with respect to your relationships and whether or not you choose to be intimate with your partner, but especially the depth in which you choose to become intimate, that may ultimately affect the emotional aspect of it all. As a woman in her senior years and married at 22 yrs of age, most of my friends were not only married at that age (or younger!), but had children. Personally, I didn’t have my first child until I was 29 yrs of age and wouldn’t have changed it for the world. We got to enjoy our ‘couple-ness’ for more than several years after marriage: we travelled, we partied, and we enjoyed each and every weekend to the fullest! Monogamy was key in each relationship to maintain emotional intimacy, in my opinion. It was a very different generation back then. We maybe only had 2 or three relationships at most by the time we decided to marry and start a family. Common STI’s weren’t as affluent and we certainly didn’t have to ‘claim exclusivity’ with each other. It was a given. Our generation also experimented with sex in our mid-teens and that was when emotional intimacy became a problem, especially for the girls who truly wanted to be loved by their school crush or ‘alleged boyfriend’. Most of the boys were more interested in ‘scoring’ and bragging about it; then destroying a girl’s reputation that would follow her through into high school. It was problematic most of the time. To be fair, there was the odd teenage girl/boy relationship that was respected between them and by others, though. A few of these couples stayed together through all of their junior/senior high school years and did get married and have families; and are still together to this day. I do not envy the dating scene this generation: there’s tinder, bumble and plenty of fish, not to mention other such ‘dating’ sites, that pretty much lead to quick
    hook-up sessions or ‘friends with benefits’. My question is: how do young adults this day and age even begin to think about a monogamous relationship? Then there’s the whole ‘open relationship’ concept that, for the life of me, I cannot understand. Isn’t a relationship with an individual about not only compatibility, communication and, especially, trust? In a nutshell, whether you are in your teens, 20’s, 30’s, 40’s, 50’s and onward, sex and its emotional attachment is what YOU make it. In other words, it is YOUR choice with whom you decide to pursue a relationship; it is YOUR choice whether you decide to form an emotional attachment to/with that relationship; it is YOUR choice whether your decide to stay in that particular relationship, no matter what the consequences may be. Finally, I do not believe that anyone should be subjected to any form of abuse in a relationship, whether it is emotional, intellectual or physical; then again, it’s YOUR choice.

    1. Thanks Cindy for everything you’ve mentioned. I think those are great points.

      Yes, sex does not have to be crippling. It is however an unnecessary addition to everything that young people are struggling with-particularly for those who intend to pursue other things as well (such as graduate studies, careers and entrepreneurship) and think of marrying and having kids later in life.

      I strongly agree with you when you say that every person is in control of how intimate they may want to be with others. That is important to echo.

      I find that a lot of young people get out of that shielded parental environment to finally being on their own with little forethought of the effects of their actions. It is really important that young people realize the significance of sex and relationships in their lives. That way THEY, as you so firmly put it, can make THEIR own, informed decisions about how much or how little they want to engage.

      And yeah, dating now almost has a completely different meaning that back in the day lol. It can be intimidating.

      I enjoyed your stories, Cindy. Thank you for sharing.

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