Deliberate Dating: Embracing Your Worth in Dating

Deliberate dating is a concept that cannot be emphasized enough. Finding an ideal life partner is a pretty big deal. When committing to another person we tie our lives to theirs. We need to become deliberate about who we date.

I strongly feel that it is important to be very deliberate about the value we place on ourselves as women in the dating market. And of course as a result, who we allow to woo us.

Our society looks at dating as this fun dance where we make each other happy. We buy into the idea of fate, destiny and happily ever after. We think that if we can finish each other’s sentences and laugh at each other’s jokes then we were made for each other.

Movies and books have persuaded us that there is a special person made just for us. We are convinced that when we eventually meet this special person, everything will fall into place.

But when we look at divorce rates the numbers are staggering. An article by Jayne Embree, a divorce coach, says that an average marriage in Canada lasts 13.7 years. Global news published an article on January 2016 that indicates that Canada’s divorce rate is 48% .

According to The Statistics Portal, the average length of a marriage is 8 years in the U.S.A. The rate of divorce however, has not increased since the 1980s.

These divorce statistics only account for first marriages. With the inclusion of second and third marriages (or more for those really brave souls), these percentages would be much higher. Research suggests that subsequent marriages are more likely to end in divorce .

This article is not meant to terrify, but to bring awareness.

Deliberate dating is carefully evaluating the assets possessed by that potential someone. What is he bringing into the relationship? Will that union better you or pull you back?

People walk into marriage with the intention of staying married. But based on the divorce rates above, far too many find themselves divorcing. I strongly feel that to increase our chances of having successful relationships, we need to start deliberate dating.

A woman needs to embrace her value as she interacts with her love interests. She needs to keep in mind the attributes she has developed over time. Things such as beauty and the efforts put into it, educational qualifications, careers built, social status and so on, increase her value on the dating market. These are assets that she brings to the table.

An ideal partner would be someone with all those gushy qualities like (handsome, funny etc) and similar assets in education, career and so on.

Marriage is a partnership, kind of like a business. When signing a business contract, one looks at the individual’s track record, their ability to get the job done, their profitability and the list goes on. One deliberately selects a business partner who shows promise of success. In the same way when dating, one needs to deliberately select a significant other who will bring value to the relationship.

REALLY evaluate the men you would like to date. Do they see your value? Can they match it? There is no point of working so hard to further ourselves only to be dragged down. Don’t settle for less than you are worth.
Know your value and aim higher.

Dating: Romantic coastal getaway
Set your life on fire. Seek those who fan your flames. -Rumi

 

The Dating Game: When He’s Three Times Her Senior

a twenty-something year old dating a man probably in his sixties

There is a couple on my flight that just saddens my soul. The man is at least three times her senior. Why a young lady of nothing over the age of twenty-three would be dating an old white man, possibly in his sixties, is completely beyond me.

While I was visiting South Coast, Kenya, my driver once said, ‘hawa wazee wanachukuwa wasichana wetu wote’ (these old men are taking all our girls) -as if there is a gun to these ladies’ heads.  Continue reading “The Dating Game: When He’s Three Times Her Senior”

Part 2: Maybe Someday They Will Meet Again

At the twenty-ninth floor of a downtown office building, Jasmine pouted her lips resting her head against her left hand. Things could not get any worse. Her desk was littered with piles of untouched paperwork, files and several books. Several highlighters, pencils, a mechanical sharpener and a pink for-big-mistakes eraser, were all spread across the table in no precise order. It was an unholy mess, Continue reading “Part 2: Maybe Someday They Will Meet Again”

Aftermath-Honeymoon Phase (Guest Post)

imageWhat happens after your honeymoon? Everyone knows that every new relationship has that period when it is the most intoxicating with excitement, infatuation and full of energy. This phase is when you spend more time with each other than anyone else. During the honeymoon phase life is amazing, every moment is magical and happiness is never ending. Honeymoon phase can last for as long as 3 months to 1 year depending on the couples and their situation. I know mine lasted 6 months!
So in most relationships this is what happens after the honeymoon phase over
1) You stop laughing at their jokes and get easily irritated
2) You tell as it as without hesitation and considering their feelings
3) You stop trying so hard to impress
4) You slack off on communication and planning fun activities
5) You stop complimenting each other
……it’s a fact you can’t be in this phase forever. However, you can ensure that just because your honeymoon phase ends does not mean you relationship should be less intriguing, intoxicating and exciting. Im sure everyone have their ways of keeping the excitement in their relationship. My suggestion is that rather than pretend at the beginning of the relationship show your true self and try to enjoy each other just the way you are! after the “honeymoon phase” there will be no surprises and frustration because you have established your true self to your partner.
Also its very important to keep doing those exciting things that got you to love each other and ensure the chemistry is not lacking. One of the ways to keep the chemistry alive is to go on date nights, plan fun activites whenever possible and NEVER slack off on your appearance. Your appearance is very important the last thing you want is your partner to loose interest in you because you stopped trying. This applies to guys especially! because contrary to popular believe ladies love a good looking and well dressed guys. Communicating with each other about everything! After all their your life partner. Do not take each other for granted. It’s also good practice to remind each other how much you love and appreciate each other.
So this is what I have done in my relationship to keep it spicy 🙂 What do you ladies and gents do to keep the excitement in your relationship?

Falling in Love and Having a Relationship are Two Different things

Love Love Love
Falling in love and having a relationship are two different things. (Photo credit: Gregory Jordan)

Falling in love! Falling in love is the easiest and most desirable aspect of building a connection with someone. A relationship, I dare say is the best and most difficult aspect of that connection. I like to think that “’love” and “relationships” only got complicated in the last 2-3 centuries thanks to the rise of civilization and modernization, which have had their positive and negative aspects on both. But that is a topic for another day.
My goal is to share my understanding of the difference between love and a relationship. Relationships and love are intertwined. However, it is possible to have one without the other. Continue reading “Falling in Love and Having a Relationship are Two Different things”