Deliberate Dating: Embracing Your Worth in Dating

Deliberate dating is a concept that cannot be emphasized enough. Finding an ideal life partner is a pretty big deal. When committing to another person we tie our lives to theirs. We need to become deliberate about who we date.

I strongly feel that it is important to be very deliberate about the value we place on ourselves as women in the dating market. And of course as a result, who we allow to woo us.

Our society looks at dating as this fun dance where we make each other happy. We buy into the idea of fate, destiny and happily ever after. We think that if we can finish each other’s sentences and laugh at each other’s jokes then we were made for each other.

Movies and books have persuaded us that there is a special person made just for us. We are convinced that when we eventually meet this special person, everything will fall into place.

But when we look at divorce rates the numbers are staggering. An article by Jayne Embree, a divorce coach, says that an average marriage in Canada lasts 13.7 years. Global news published an article on January 2016 that indicates that Canada’s divorce rate is 48% .

According to The Statistics Portal, the average length of a marriage is 8 years in the U.S.A. The rate of divorce however, has not increased since the 1980s.

These divorce statistics only account for first marriages. With the inclusion of second and third marriages (or more for those really brave souls), these percentages would be much higher. Research suggests that subsequent marriages are more likely to end in divorce .

This article is not meant to terrify, but to bring awareness.

Deliberate dating is carefully evaluating the assets possessed by that potential someone. What is he bringing into the relationship? Will that union better you or pull you back?

People walk into marriage with the intention of staying married. But based on the divorce rates above, far too many find themselves divorcing. I strongly feel that to increase our chances of having successful relationships, we need to start deliberate dating.

A woman needs to embrace her value as she interacts with her love interests. She needs to keep in mind the attributes she has developed over time. Things such as beauty and the efforts put into it, educational qualifications, careers built, social status and so on, increase her value on the dating market. These are assets that she brings to the table.

An ideal partner would be someone with all those gushy qualities like (handsome, funny etc) and similar assets in education, career and so on.

Marriage is a partnership, kind of like a business. When signing a business contract, one looks at the individual’s track record, their ability to get the job done, their profitability and the list goes on. One deliberately selects a business partner who shows promise of success. In the same way when dating, one needs to deliberately select a significant other who will bring value to the relationship.

REALLY evaluate the men you would like to date. Do they see your value? Can they match it? There is no point of working so hard to further ourselves only to be dragged down. Don’t settle for less than you are worth.
Know your value and aim higher.

Dating: Romantic coastal getaway
Set your life on fire. Seek those who fan your flames. -Rumi


The Dating Game: When He’s Three Times Her Senior

a twenty-something year old dating a man probably in his sixties

There is a couple on my flight that just saddens my soul. The man is at least three times her senior. Why a young lady of nothing over the age of twenty-three would be dating an old white man, possibly in his sixties, is completely beyond me.

While I was visiting South Coast, Kenya, my driver once said, ‘hawa wazee wanachukuwa wasichana wetu wote’ (these old men are taking all our girls) -as if there is a gun to these ladies’ heads.  Continue reading “The Dating Game: When He’s Three Times Her Senior”

Tranquility in South Coast, Kenya

I’m currently on a letting-go-vacation at Leopard Beach Resort in South Coast, Kenya. With work, family and friends everything was moving way too fast for a while there.  I needed everything to stop moving so I could have a moment to reflect.
Cottages at South Coast
Between December and January I experienced two very major life changes. Continue reading “Tranquility in South Coast, Kenya”

The Hustle is Real

I am well over the age of majority. I can already feel some of you children cringing but hold it right there. It’s actually the best age I’ve ever been. A place where it’s all butterflies and cupcakes, what’s the appropriate saying here, it’s all rosy? Not exactly. But it’s a happy place nonetheless. You know when you’re a kid and life revolves around homework, video games (here Kenyans my age would insert playing bano– There is an English word for bano but it’s much more interesting when we just say bano.So, I’ll find you a picture instead) and some T.V.?
traditional marble game Continue reading “The Hustle is Real”

I'm Healthy Weight and Maybe a Little Hungry

It’s been several months since I last let my creative juices run. I’ve been working so hard day in day out, burning the midnight oil… well, that’s not entirely true. I’ve been at a loss for words. Not because there’s nothing to write about, on the contrary a lot has happened since I was an active blogger. Often times I struggle with words, not knowing how exactly to phrase things or how much to share. Is there such a thing as sharing too much? I’m so hungry I could eat a cow but my fingers are going crazy here. You should see me, I’m typing away furiously. You know those jobs where they want you to have a typing speed of 75WPM, I could probably get hired on the spot if they were watching me right about now. I think it’s some kind of withdrawal thing happening, what with not writing in months and all. Continue reading “I'm Healthy Weight and Maybe a Little Hungry”

Sheena Chiteri: Mentor of the Month of July


My name is Sheena Frida Chiteri. I am the Founder and Director of my fashion design company- House of Sheena C.
Sheena Frida Chiteri. Founder and Director of House of Sheena C. A fashion and design company. Blog: Facebook:

Sheena Chiteri is my personal friend and I could not be more proud and excited to bring this interview to you. Sheena Frida Chiteri is the founder and director of House of Sheena C. I met Sheena back in high school when we were both 15 and full of dreams for the future. Sheena particularly was a dreamer. She was always adventurous. She loved fashion to her very core. I remember she would often draw designs of garments and show them to me. I had a lot of faith in her and as a good friend would encourage her and cheer her on as she drew and drew some more. Never in my life would I have dreamt that I would be writing an article about her work. I am thrilled. It’s a great honour for me to share her work with you. Sheena is a remarkable designer. In Nairobi Kenya, she’s already hit numerous media outlets and that is just the beginning.
Through the month we will be learning about Sheena Chiteri’s journey into the world of fashion, her challenges and her motivations.  And of course, towards the end of the month, Sheena will also share some career tips with us. But today, we will simply begin with this introduction.
While waiting for next Monday’s article on this spectacular woman, go on and check out Sheena’s website and her Facebook fan page. You will not be disappointed. She shares a lot of helpful tips and tricks for fashion forward men and women which you do not want to miss.
Be sure to make today a fantastic Monday!

The Old is Gone

I lived because, at dawn my eyes would open. Because my heart never failed to beat.
I lived because, at dawn my eyes would open. Because my heart never failed to beat.

Although perfection I continue to pursue,
I recognize the world of difference between,
For many nights I was frail,
Completely broken and without sight.

I’d hit rock bottom,
Succumbed to a meaningless existence, Continue reading “The Old is Gone”

Nelson Mandela: The Tribute

Nelson Mandela, July 4 1993.
Nelson Mandela, July 4 1993. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Several days ago I wrote an article encouraging all the friends and followers of Memoirs of a Kenyan to send in their wishes and condolences to Nelson Mandela’s friends and family.
Sam O
Continue reading “Nelson Mandela: The Tribute”

A Fizzy Drink, Midnight and Me!

Bed Jump
“and land mightily on the ground, my drink flying about it the air. (Photo credit: jamesjyu)

This is ridiculous! It’s the middle of the night yet I am wide awake.

I shift and turn under the covers. Two minutes this side, one minute the other and still nothing feels quite right. Total discomfort.

I sit up. Continue reading “A Fizzy Drink, Midnight and Me!”

A Woman is Much More Than her Power to Seduce

successful business woman on a laptop
(Photo credit: Search Engine People Blog)

This article is a counterargument to an article written by SovietLover on The Reporter and The Girl blog. He talks about how women have the essential tools; smile, cleavage, high heels and humor that enable them to accomplish their goals. Check out SovietLover’s article for more details. Here’s my take.
True, a woman has all the necessary tools at her disposal to get ahead in life. These tools, to strongly point out, entail a lot more than sexuality and seduction. A woman is much more than her body and her power to seduce. Instilling this ideology in women is a step in the wrong direction. Continue reading “A Woman is Much More Than her Power to Seduce”

Why are we like using the word ‘like’ like all the time or whatever?

Whatever happened to simply thinking quietly or developing a thought completely before attempting to speak? Or sticking to the conventional non-word fillers such as “um”?goodgriefI won’t deny it. I too struggle to keep certain words that add no meaning whatsoever out of my speech. “Like” is one good example. Occasionally, and against my better judgement, this word crops up in my vocabulary. I make a conscious attempt to avoid using it and a few other words that I could still communicate greatly without.
There are several words that tend to be used an awful lot when we barely need them in the first place to communicate. Continue reading “Why are we like using the word ‘like’ like all the time or whatever?”

Style Buzz with Isabella Nabwire: New Fashion Series

Isabella Nabwire O. a.k.a Bella Candice is an intelligent young God-fearing lady. She is a law student who speaks passionately about her field of study and the nitty gritties involved there in. She is beautiful and very vibrant. Her love for fashion oozes off of her impeccable fashion sense. Her love for fashion is clearly inborn as she certainly has a way of owning her style as she confidently goes about her business.
Isabella admitted to Style Buzz that she is afraid of the dark. Almost immediately she countered her confession announcing her love for chocolate. Isabella enjoys a good laugh and likes to spend time with her family and friends. She stated that she is a “neat freak”. She also enjoys warm baths, shower gels, towels and anything fluffy. But most of all Isabella is “a crazy rumba lover.”
Isabella is also a fashion blogger Continue reading “Style Buzz with Isabella Nabwire: New Fashion Series”

Feel Good Wednesday: Self-Loving, Self-Esteem

self-esteem (Photo credit: Key Foster)

Good Morning beloved friends.
We are here again on this magnificent Wednesday morning. It is quite lovely outside. I hope it is as beautiful out there for you. If not, stay warm and remember to stay positive.
Today’s Feel Good Wednesday article is a post that we have seen before here at Memoirs of a Kenyan written by our very own Mimi early this year in May. The reason I feel that we should revisit this post today is because we all need to learn to love and respect ourselves. If we don’t see the beauty in ourselves, others too will not see it. It begins with us, as individuals. Our self-esteem tells others what we want them to see.
In her post Mimi captured the vitality of self-love and respect in a  manner that paints a vivid picture of where we want to be-in respect to our self-image. Please, enjoy…
And, Happy Feel Good Wednesday!
© Valerie Chela N, all writers herein and Memoirs of a Kenyan, 2013. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s authors and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to appropriate author of content and Memoirs of a Kenyan with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

The Danger of a Single Story: Chimamanda Adichie

English: Chimamanda Adichie, Lagos 2009
English: Chimamanda Adichie, Lagos 2009 (Photo credit)

In Rediscovering Africa, my intention is to allow my readers to view Africa in a positive light. That despite all its shortcomings-which are present in other continents- Africa also has a lot to offer. I need the world to understand that Africa is not a continent always calling for ‘enormous pity’ as Chimamanda Adichie explains in her talk. Within those hardships and life’s challenges there are tonnes of hard-working people with big dreams, and high achievers changing lives everyday. Chimamanda Adichie goes on to share an encounter with her University roommate in the United States who wanting to sample her music was astonished when she produced contemporary Western music.
There is a great extent of normalcy in Africa which many seem to be surprised by. Not every region is characterized by starvation and homelessness. Many Africans understand and use technology, they live in massive bungalows and mansions, drive posh cars and take their children to good schools.
This is not to say that the negative issues should be ignored, but that there are many sides to every story. As you will hear in the video, talking about only one issue affecting a community creates the dangers of a single story. I want you, as a Memoirs of a Kenyan reader to have a deeper understanding of Africa so that you, unlike most people can have a ‘balance of stories’ as Chinua Achebe, another Nigerian writer describes it.
Continue reading “The Danger of a Single Story: Chimamanda Adichie”

Meet the Founder

Val Chela1. Name and Title

Valerie Chela N. Founder of Memoirs of a Kenyan.

2. Something random about yourself

I am generally not a fan of pets but dogs terrify me. My idea of a pet would be any animal that can be caged safely away from me. I could probably live with a pet fish, I think.

Lake Victoria: Rediscovering Africa

Source: via Holly on Pinterest

Lake Victoria is the second largest freshwater lake in the world. It is also the largest lake in Africa. It covers 68,800km^2 which translates to 26563.8 square miles. The lake was named after Queen Victoria of the United Kingdom by the first European who discovered the lake. Lake Victoria is also the chief reservoir of the River Nile which is regarded to be longest river in the world. The river Nile originates in Burundi then flows through northeastern Africa into Egypt and then finally drains into the Mediterranean sea.
Lake Victoria is a tourist attraction for Kenya, Uganda and Tanzania. When you plan your African safari be sure to visit East Africa to see this incredible water body and the wild life such as the different fish types, hippos, birds and butterflies. River Nile is also a breathtaking site to behold. Continue reading “Lake Victoria: Rediscovering Africa”

My Workplace Hypothesis

20130111-094534.jpg I am not about to acclaim myself the corporate ‘guru’ of outstanding workplace countenance, but I firmly believe I have in the recent past, gained significant experience to base my profound workplace disposition hypothesis on. To ensure complete clarity, I will first point out that I am merely an amateur, learning by experience. In Latin they call it discere faciendo. I do not possess any formal training in corporate savoir-faire. I have been working at the same organization for three months shy two years now. As a result, I have gained immeasurable knowledge of work place do’s and don’ts which I gladly share with you today. Again, I do not in any way proclaim myself omniscient to work place matters. It is in fact quite the opposite. In sharing the much that I have learnt over the years; I hope to trigger a reaction from you. That you may agree or disagree with my point of view or add onto my growing list of exceptional work place practices. In the end (assuming there will be an end although I would rather this list grows to infinity), together we should have developed a much more thorough list of norms acceptable in office settings.
· Treat EVERY client like they were your FIRST of the day
· Care about the IMAGE you create
· Always DRESS for the job you want
· Do NOT CRACK under pressure
· Care about the QUALITY of work
· Have a sense of LOVE for the job
· Always EXCEED expectation
· Do NOT CRAP where you eat
It is a brilliant idea to separate your professional and social life. Yes, you got that right, I mean romantic relationships in particular. I know it has been said before, but I cannot stress this enough. After all, prevention is better than cure, right?
· Never pick a FIGHT you cannot win
I am talking about your clientele. No matter how annoying they may be, you will never win a fight against them. Do not get engaged, disengage! Let them vent, allow them a chance to let off steam and perhaps later explain yourself calmly. At the very worst refer them to someone else. Whatever your choice of action, refuse to get caught up in a fight.
~ Val