I have come to the conclusion that relationships and sex in early 20s are a terrible idea. Someone once mentioned that having multiple sex partners over the years, is like gluing two pieces of paper together and then taking them apart.
Each piece of paper is left with tears and holes and little pieces from the other paper. This makes each of those papers thinner. If that piece is later taken and glued to another then separated again, it becomes even thinner.
Deliberate dating is a concept that cannot be emphasized enough. Finding an ideal life partner is a pretty big deal. When committing to another person we tie our lives to theirs. We need to become deliberate about who we date.
I strongly feel that it is important to be very deliberate about the value we place on ourselves as women in the dating market. And of course as a result, who we allow to woo us.
Our society looks at dating as this fun dance where we make each other happy. We buy into the idea of fate, destiny and happily ever after. We think that if we can finish each other’s sentences and laugh at each other’s jokes then we were made for each other.
Movies and books have persuaded us that there is a special person made just for us. We are convinced that when we eventually meet this special person, everything will fall into place.
But when we look at divorce rates the numbers are staggering. An article by Jayne Embree, a divorce coach, says that an average marriage in Canada lasts 13.7 years. Global news published an article on January 2016 that indicates that Canada’s divorce rate is 48% .
According to The Statistics Portal, the average length of a marriage is 8 years in the U.S.A. The rate of divorce however, has not increased since the 1980s.
These divorce statistics only account for first marriages. With the inclusion of second and third marriages (or more for those really brave souls), these percentages would be much higher. Research suggests that subsequent marriages are more likely to end in divorce .
people criticize me for being picky about who i date. i date for marriage, divorce isn't an option, loyalty is a must and my significant other will be who my kids model after
This article is not meant to terrify, but to bring awareness.
Deliberate dating is carefully evaluating the assets possessed by that potential someone. What is he bringing into the relationship? Will that union better you or pull you back?
People walk into marriage with the intention of staying married. But based on the divorce rates above, far too many find themselves divorcing. I strongly feel that to increase our chances of having successful relationships, we need to start deliberate dating.
A woman needs to embrace her value as she interacts with her love interests. She needs to keep in mind the attributes she has developed over time. Things such as beauty and the efforts put into it, educational qualifications, careers built, social status and so on, increase her value on the dating market. These are assets that she brings to the table.
An ideal partner would be someone with all those gushy qualities like (handsome, funny etc) and similar assets in education, career and so on.
Marriage is a partnership, kind of like a business. When signing a business contract, one looks at the individual’s track record, their ability to get the job done, their profitability and the list goes on. One deliberately selects a business partner who shows promise of success. In the same way when dating, one needs to deliberately select a significant other who will bring value to the relationship.
REALLY evaluate the men you would like to date. Do they see your value? Can they match it? There is no point of working so hard to further ourselves only to be dragged down. Don’t settle for less than you are worth.
Know your value and aim higher.
There’s a girl, a young woman, sitting at the far corner of the grandiose dinning hall. Leaning on the wall, at the very end of the room.
Sandi, that is her name.
She is slender, dark, with big white eyes. She is not starring at a cellphone, or a computer screen. She’s not reading a book or eating or even fidgeting with anything. She is, literally, just sitting there. Continue reading “A Tale: The Enigma of the Good Wife”
I don’t want you when you’ve figured it all out. I want you now. I want you when you’re naïve and young and lost. I want to be beside you while you struggle to stand on your feet. When you’re still stumbling and losing your way.
I don’t want you when you’ve mastered the basics and established your path. I want to hold your hand when you can’t seem to figure things out. I want to Continue reading “I want You Now”
Too deep to turn back. Too deep to go forward.
Waters surround me. Whirl. Wind lashes at my face.
I scream. Breathless. Not a sound is made.
Why does the wind whirl around me tauntingly while the very wind is knocked out of me?
Around me waters dance while my feet—paralyzed to the ground.
But you are on the ninth cloud.
Joy on your face, on mine not a trace.
The air is sucked out of me,you breathe out sweet melodies.
I watch, wishing . . . wishing . . . No. I must not wish. Jealousy, please stay far away from me.
I may now be stuck and you free to love,
But in time the waters will part and there will be a way where there seems to be none.
Once upon a time I was convinced that I had a clear grasp of the concept of falling in love. I was certain I knew what it meant and how it felt. I dare say I believed I had been in love once or twice before-a different degree of loving I suppose. But it made a lot of sense then.
Now, when I ought to be smarter and more experienced, I find myself short of understanding. While I feel that at this point in life I should recognize love when it hits, I still can barely comprehend basic feelings such as fondness and attraction.
There is the occasional time when the thoughts of that special someone creates a longing that stifles my heart for free expression. At such a time, it’s easy to admit to a feeling deeper than a simple like. Continue reading “This Notion Called Lovin'”
At the twenty-ninth floor of a downtown office building, Jasmine pouted her lips resting her head against her left hand. Things could not get any worse. Her desk was littered with piles of untouched paperwork, files and several books. Several highlighters, pencils, a mechanical sharpener and a pink for-big-mistakes eraser, were all spread across the table in no precise order. It was an unholy mess, Continue reading “Part 2: Maybe Someday They Will Meet Again”
I am going to start off by wishing you a very happy energetic Monday. I hope that unlike me you woke up with a natural surge of energy to kick-start your week. But if you are in team Val no worries, you are more than welcome to join me at the Starbucks Cafe Americano line-up. Either way let’s get this day started on a high note!
As you may have noticed, Memoirs of a Kenyan is a unique blog with a team of contributors. For our spring kick off, the Memoirs team has decided to introduce themselves to you over the next two weeks. Mimi
1. Your name and duty on Memoirs of a Kenyan. Maryam A. I am the Fashion Director. I also write articles on relationships.
2. Something random about yourself I love rice! And the colour Black (why not, it goes with everything!!!)
3. What is the most romantic thing someone has done for you? Breakfast in bed
4. Why did you join the Memoirs of a Kenyan Team? What is your goal
on the blog? Continue reading “Meet the Team”
Falling in love! Falling in love is the easiest and most desirable aspect of building a connection with someone. A relationship, I dare say is the best and most difficult aspect of that connection. I like to think that “’love” and “relationships” only got complicated in the last 2-3 centuries thanks to the rise of civilization and modernization, which have had their positive and negative aspects on both. But that is a topic for another day.
My goal is to share my understanding of the difference between love and a relationship. Relationships and love are intertwined. However, it is possible to have one without the other. Continue reading “Falling in Love and Having a Relationship are Two Different things”