Deliberate Dating: Embracing Your Worth in Dating

Deliberate dating is a concept that cannot be emphasized enough. Finding an ideal life partner is a pretty big deal. When committing to another person we tie our lives to theirs. We need to become deliberate about who we date.

I strongly feel that it is important to be very deliberate about the value we place on ourselves as women in the dating market. And of course as a result, who we allow to woo us.

Our society looks at dating as this fun dance where we make each other happy. We buy into the idea of fate, destiny and happily ever after. We think that if we can finish each other’s sentences and laugh at each other’s jokes then we were made for each other.

Movies and books have persuaded us that there is a special person made just for us. We are convinced that when we eventually meet this special person, everything will fall into place.

But when we look at divorce rates the numbers are staggering. An article by Jayne Embree, a divorce coach, says that an average marriage in Canada lasts 13.7 years. Global news published an article on January 2016 that indicates that Canada’s divorce rate is 48% .

According to The Statistics Portal, the average length of a marriage is 8 years in the U.S.A. The rate of divorce however, has not increased since the 1980s.

These divorce statistics only account for first marriages. With the inclusion of second and third marriages (or more for those really brave souls), these percentages would be much higher. Research suggests that subsequent marriages are more likely to end in divorce .

This article is not meant to terrify, but to bring awareness.

Deliberate dating is carefully evaluating the assets possessed by that potential someone. What is he bringing into the relationship? Will that union better you or pull you back?

People walk into marriage with the intention of staying married. But based on the divorce rates above, far too many find themselves divorcing. I strongly feel that to increase our chances of having successful relationships, we need to start deliberate dating.

A woman needs to embrace her value as she interacts with her love interests. She needs to keep in mind the attributes she has developed over time. Things such as beauty and the efforts put into it, educational qualifications, careers built, social status and so on, increase her value on the dating market. These are assets that she brings to the table.

An ideal partner would be someone with all those gushy qualities like (handsome, funny etc) and similar assets in education, career and so on.

Marriage is a partnership, kind of like a business. When signing a business contract, one looks at the individual’s track record, their ability to get the job done, their profitability and the list goes on. One deliberately selects a business partner who shows promise of success. In the same way when dating, one needs to deliberately select a significant other who will bring value to the relationship.

REALLY evaluate the men you would like to date. Do they see your value? Can they match it? There is no point of working so hard to further ourselves only to be dragged down. Don’t settle for less than you are worth.
Know your value and aim higher.

Dating: Romantic coastal getaway
Set your life on fire. Seek those who fan your flames. -Rumi

 

Nelson Mandela: The Tribute

Nelson Mandela, July 4 1993.
Nelson Mandela, July 4 1993. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Several days ago I wrote an article encouraging all the friends and followers of Memoirs of a Kenyan to send in their wishes and condolences to Nelson Mandela’s friends and family.
Sam O
Continue reading “Nelson Mandela: The Tribute”

The Culture of Shaming

Shaming is slowly becoming a culture of its own. It addresses issues that are not acceptable in our society by creating a sense of guilt and dishonour to individuals who are considered narrow-minded or ignorant.
Here’s a recent example:
Following Miss America Nina Davuluri’s victory many tweeters where shamed by their peers and the general public because of their racist tweets in regards to Nina’s Indian heritage. Many of those who were shamed ended up blocking their user accounts or privatizing them to avoid these attacks.
What is your take on the act of shaming?


© Valerie Chela N, all writers herein and Memoirs of a Kenyan, 2013. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s authors and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to appropriate author of content and Memoirs of a Kenyan with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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