Deliberate Dating: Embracing Your Worth in Dating

Deliberate dating is a concept that cannot be emphasized enough. Finding an ideal life partner is a pretty big deal. When committing to another person we tie our lives to theirs. We need to become deliberate about who we date.

I strongly feel that it is important to be very deliberate about the value we place on ourselves as women in the dating market. And of course as a result, who we allow to woo us.

Our society looks at dating as this fun dance where we make each other happy. We buy into the idea of fate, destiny and happily ever after. We think that if we can finish each other’s sentences and laugh at each other’s jokes then we were made for each other.

Movies and books have persuaded us that there is a special person made just for us. We are convinced that when we eventually meet this special person, everything will fall into place.

But when we look at divorce rates the numbers are staggering. An article by Jayne Embree, a divorce coach, says that an average marriage in Canada lasts 13.7 years. Global news published an article on January 2016 that indicates that Canada’s divorce rate is 48% .

According to The Statistics Portal, the average length of a marriage is 8 years in the U.S.A. The rate of divorce however, has not increased since the 1980s.

These divorce statistics only account for first marriages. With the inclusion of second and third marriages (or more for those really brave souls), these percentages would be much higher. Research suggests that subsequent marriages are more likely to end in divorce .

This article is not meant to terrify, but to bring awareness.

Deliberate dating is carefully evaluating the assets possessed by that potential someone. What is he bringing into the relationship? Will that union better you or pull you back?

People walk into marriage with the intention of staying married. But based on the divorce rates above, far too many find themselves divorcing. I strongly feel that to increase our chances of having successful relationships, we need to start deliberate dating.

A woman needs to embrace her value as she interacts with her love interests. She needs to keep in mind the attributes she has developed over time. Things such as beauty and the efforts put into it, educational qualifications, careers built, social status and so on, increase her value on the dating market. These are assets that she brings to the table.

An ideal partner would be someone with all those gushy qualities like (handsome, funny etc) and similar assets in education, career and so on.

Marriage is a partnership, kind of like a business. When signing a business contract, one looks at the individual’s track record, their ability to get the job done, their profitability and the list goes on. One deliberately selects a business partner who shows promise of success. In the same way when dating, one needs to deliberately select a significant other who will bring value to the relationship.

REALLY evaluate the men you would like to date. Do they see your value? Can they match it? There is no point of working so hard to further ourselves only to be dragged down. Don’t settle for less than you are worth.
Know your value and aim higher.

Dating: Romantic coastal getaway
Set your life on fire. Seek those who fan your flames. -Rumi

 

The Getaway: South Coast, Kenya

The Much Needed Getaway

If you have been following my blog you know I recently went on a vacation to the Leopard Beach Resort in South Coast Kenya. It is one of the best resorts in Africa having been awarded the Africa’s Leading Spa Resort in 2013, 2014 and 2016 and Africa’s Leading Family Resort in 2016 and 2017 among other awards. It was an amazing experience.

Yoast SEO: View of Indian Ocean. Vacation in South Coast, Kenya.
The Indian Ocean, South Coast Kenya.

Continue reading “The Getaway: South Coast, Kenya”

The Dating Game: When He’s Three Times Her Senior

a twenty-something year old dating a man probably in his sixties

There is a couple on my flight that just saddens my soul. The man is at least three times her senior. Why a young lady of nothing over the age of twenty-three would be dating an old white man, possibly in his sixties, is completely beyond me.

While I was visiting South Coast, Kenya, my driver once said, ‘hawa wazee wanachukuwa wasichana wetu wote’ (these old men are taking all our girls) -as if there is a gun to these ladies’ heads.  Continue reading “The Dating Game: When He’s Three Times Her Senior”

Tranquility in South Coast, Kenya

I’m currently on a letting-go-vacation at Leopard Beach Resort in South Coast, Kenya. With work, family and friends everything was moving way too fast for a while there.  I needed everything to stop moving so I could have a moment to reflect.
Cottages at South Coast
Between December and January I experienced two very major life changes. Continue reading “Tranquility in South Coast, Kenya”

Ice Castles Winnipeg

You’ve Got to Check Out Ice castles Winnipeg 

IMG_8947
The moment one sets foot into Ice Castles Winnipeg all thoughts about the deep freeze that is our city vanish from the mind. The tunnels, slides, caves, lights, music… are such a delight. It is the perfect place to take new Instagram pictures. Trust me, I know. I may have taken ahem, ‘a few’ photos. Continue reading “Ice Castles Winnipeg”

Eight Lessons From 2017

Eight Simple Lessons from 2017

2017 was a pretty rough year for me. Yet during all my struggles and my pains I learnt so much. I am stronger and wiser for it now. These eight lessons from 2017 may seem basic but when you are so caught up in things that at the time seem so important and are all-consuming, you fail to see the full picture.

Looking back now, I am glad I went through everything that I did last year because the changes (for the better) I am making now are a direct result of my mistakes and my poor judgement in the past.

Alright, here are my eight lessons from 2017:

Lessons learnt by sharing positive messagesLesson 1.

Be sure that in all relationships, there is more smiling than there is frowning.

Lesson 2.

Your instincts are your best friend. Continue reading “Eight Lessons From 2017”

A Tale: The Enigma of the Good Wife

There’s a girl, a young woman, sitting at the far corner of the grandiose dinning hall. Leaning on the wall, at the very end of the room.
Sandi, that is her name.
She is slender, dark, with big white eyes. She is not starring at a cellphone, or a computer screen. She’s not reading a book or eating or even fidgeting with anything. She is, literally, just sitting there. Continue reading “A Tale: The Enigma of the Good Wife”

The Ebb and Flow of Sisterhood Strength

The card simply said “Tea for Solidarity”. It was an invitation to something about solidarity and there was going to be tea.

The card simply said “Tea for Solidarity”. It was an invitation to something about solidarity and there was going to be tea. That is all the information I had walking into the gymnasium where the event was being held. There were women everywhere. Just women, dressed to the nines.
Long rectangular tables were arranged into three rows. The tables were dressed in white table clothes and cutlery. On the back wall was a long dinning table covered in all manner of pastries; desserts and fruits (I suppose fruit is dessert too). The end of the table was lined with several jugs of colourful punch. On the wall adjacent to the entrance was a smaller table with many flasks of fancy tea. I didn’t really know what the event was but I had come to the right place with my sweet tooth and my undying love for tea. I was glad to be there.

Continue reading “The Ebb and Flow of Sisterhood Strength”

You're The Real MVP, Not!

This really nice girl offers to help you out. She’s being sympathetic because she has noticed you’ve got a shit ton of things to handle. She’s an angel sent from heaven to lighten your load. You could hug her and dance with her even though there’s no music playing in the background. You’re so relieved you want to cry, laugh and dance to release that overwhelming gratitude. Continue reading “You're The Real MVP, Not!”

I Missed All the Signs

“I was at a wedding yesterday and it left me feeling a bit sad.” She told me. In her voice I could hear the strain of a person forcing back tears. Her cheeks had started to turn rosy. Her eyes were water. She did not shed a tear.
I was caught by surprise.
That was not how her sentence was supposed to end. Continue reading “I Missed All the Signs”

Goog at the Bridge Drive Inn

GoogGoog: An upside down blueberry shake with a hot fudge sundae and bananas topped with whipped cream.

Goog was the reason I traveled halfway across town yesterday evening after work. It did not disappoint. The delicious concoction was totally worth that journey.  Good Continue reading “Goog at the Bridge Drive Inn”

Burgers at Breakfast — Memoirs of a Kenyan

I cannot count the number of times I’ve been super hungry at 8am or at 9 and wanted to eat more than a slice of bread and tea. I’ve wanted to eat actual food (and tea, of course). Like a plate of rice and stew or a burger. Something of that kind. ‘No, it’s too early…

via Burgers at Breakfast — Memoirs of a Kenyan

Risky Business

goodgrief
Earlier this evening it rained briefly when I got home from work. Thank heavens for the perfect timing as I was not dressed to deal with the rain at all. The brief downpour was followed by a five minute power outage which took me almost three minutes to figure out. At the time I had just powered my laptop and was waiting for my browser to let me onto WordPress so I could read the writings of others when my screen displayed a ‘you are not connected to the internet’ error message. Of course I assumed this was some kind of mistake so I reloaded the page. As you can imagine the same message was displayed on my screen and this time it appeared annoyingly faster than my initial attempt. I closed the browser and fired it up again convinced that whatever  was going on should have now fixed itself. Alas! Continue reading “Risky Business”